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THE LIGHTER SIDE OF RECRUITMENT

"After answering the first few questions,  the candidate picked up his
cell phone and called his parents to  let them know the interview was going
well."

"At the end of the interview, the  candidate expressed her interest in
getting the position, but only if  her boyfriend liked the company and the
hiring manager. She then said, 'He's waiting outside. Can I bring him in to
say  hello?"'

On Being Prepared

"The candidate entered the lobby and  identified herself to the
receptionist. She then pulled two pairs of  shoes from her bag and said,
'Before the interviewer comes  out, tell me which pair you think I should
wear with this suit."'

"When asked why he wanted to work for the  company, the applicant
responded, 'That's a good question. I  really haven't given it much
thought."'

"When told she would meet with another  interviewer, the candidate
said, 'Wait just a minute.' She then took  out a large bag from her
briefcase and proceeded to reapply  her makeup and hairspray, all in the
first interviewer's office."

On Positive Comments

"When asked by the hiring manager why she  was leaving her current job,
the applicant said, 'My manager is jerk. All managers are jerks."'

"The candidate disparaged his former boss  during the interview, not
realizing the boss and the interviewer  had the same last name, and were
related."

Miscellaneous Blunders

"After being complimented on his choice of  college and the grade point
average he achieved, the  candidate replied, 'I'm glad that got your
attention. I  didn't really go there."'

"The company sent an employee to meet a  prospective candidate at the
airport. The applicant got off the  plane, said it was far too cold to live
and work in this  city, and said he was taking a flight home. He never met
the hiring manager."

These are taken from real Résumés and Cover Letters, and were printed in the July 21st issue of "Fortune" Magazine:

1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."

2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

10. "Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
commitments."

11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond
to my resume on my office voice mail."

13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

15. "Personal interests: Donating blood.  Fourteen gallons so far."

16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."

17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have
never quit a job."

18. "Marital status: Often. Children: Various."

19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers."

20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."

21. "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

These quotes were taken from actual Performance Evaluations:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won't be."

4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in
trap."

6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."

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